Double Personality Disorder!

One thing about my personality is that I am the real deal. In other words, what you see is what you get. I guess I'm the epitome of a life "lived out loud", but maybe I should get a tattoo on my forehead with the disclaimer, "I'm a shameful sinner!"

If you read my blog, facebook posts, tweets, or status updates, you know that I really put myself out there as a wife, mom, sister, neighbor, taxpayer, runner, and friend. Why? Well... I want my readers to relate to me. I think that I am more interesting if my followers can laugh at my jokes, feel my pain when I hurt, or get a glimpse into my heart. Then again, if my posts aren't all about Jesus, and scripture, and biblical examples, am I REALLY living out loud?

When you want to live out loud for Christ, yet be transparent to the world, the lines get muddy. This is the problem when you are a Christian and a sinner. The Christian's life is surrendered and submitted to a Holy God, while the sinner makes it very evident that we are imperfect people in a fallen world. So, what message am I sending my friends, followers, tweeps, and connections? A mixed message I'm certain.

I really don't want to stand before God one day and have him disappointed with me because I lived with two separate idenities. Picture it? The Christian with a multiple personality disorder! I also don't want to stand in front of a Holy God and answer for being one of those "bible thumpers" that turned people completely off either.

In a way, we all suffer from this "identity crisis." Our outward appearances confuse people and no matter how transparent we are, nobody on earth has the ability to know our inward heart.

So here's my philosophy. I want people to see me... the real me. I want them to see that I hurt, laugh, get frustrated, can be impatient, and get cut off on the highway just like them. BUT - I also want them to see forgiveness, love, tenderness, joy and a peace that surpasses all understanding.

I love the visual God's word gives us in John chapter 8, when Jesus says, "If anyone of you is without sin, let him be the first to throw the first stone at her." Well, I declare, I am NOT without sin so I won't be throwing stones at anyone. I can only hope that will hold true for those who are watching my life. Then again, Jesus was crucified, should I expect anything less.